Time May Change Me…

…But I can’t trace time…

There’s just something about the change of the seasons that brings about an inward stirring, don’t you think?

Maybe it’s just me, but Spring isn’t the only time of the year I get the urge to rummage through the cupboards and toss things that are no longer needed.

Photo Credit: Chrysseis at Devientart

Perhaps it’s the turn towards the end of the year that does it.  Or it could be the falling of leaves – watching as the vibrant greens of the summer return to the earth. The literal ways we turn inward, capturing our own warmth to protect us against the chill in the air.

Whatever it is, there’s something about the colder months that prompts us to slow down and begin to reflect on the past.

I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.  Looking at past and current relationships, doing a little “emotional-spring-cleaning” if you will. (…fall cleaning?)

I grew up in a relatively small town that’s made even smaller by the fact that people tend to keep to their own “side” of town.  I’m from the south side of town.  It only takes 30 minutes (during the worst traffic we have, usually more like 15) to get from South High School (where I graduated from) to North High School (on the opposite side of town), and yet I don’t know anyone who’s gone there.  According to the people on the south side of town, everyone who lives on the north side of town is a superficial conservative.  According to the people on the north side of town, everyone on the south side is a lazy hippie.  (I can vouch for the fact that the latter is untrue…but having lived briefly on the other side of town…well, let’s just say, there’s a reason I only lived there briefly.)

My point in all of that is – there are days when I run errands and end up driving past my elementary school, middle school, and high school.  Everyone I know knows everyone I know.  There is a nostalgia fog thick as pea soup around this (side) of town, and there’s really no way to escape it.  Especially at this time of year.

It also means it’s very easy to go along with the status quo and not question it much. These are the people you’ve known you’re entire life, and they are doing what they’ve always done.  There is a rhythmic ebb and flow to things that can be hard to notice, let alone break out of.

Even with all of that, it’s still important to grow and change.

Finding a way to do that, however, without getting bogged down in a past that constantly surrounds you, can be difficult.

“There’s always this kind of nostalgia for a place, a place where you can reckon with yourself.” – Sam Shepard 

This year, it’s my goal.  Some of my most recent posts have reflected the journey that I’ve been taking – trying to sort through a future that changed directions on me, trying to decide if friendships that have been there in the past are worth carrying forward.

At some point in our lives (and really, if I’m being honest with myself here, it’s probably more like at “several points in our lives”), it becomes clear that in order to move forward, we need to leave certain things behind.  It makes my heart stop beating just to write that, since I do not give things up easily.  But as I step back and look at my life, reassessing those things that feel like they need a little shaking up, I find myself realizing how true it is.

This year has been a strange one.  It came on the heels of one of the worst years of my life, and as much as some days have just plain sucked, it still feels like a turning point somehow.  Maybe it’s because I turned 25 and that felt like a landmark.  Maybe it’s because even though my health declined again, it hit a high point there for a month or two that left me feeling better than the last time I could remember.  Either way, I feel like it’s up to me to keep this ball rolling in the right direction.

So, even though I may be kicking and screaming the entire way, I know it’s time to make some changes…Even if I don’t know exactly what they’re going to be yet.

Do you start to reflect on life as the year comes to an end?  Do you need to make any changes in your life?  What are they?

 

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23 thoughts on “Time May Change Me…

  1. Another powerful blog. I hope next year brings you new starts, successes and happiness x

    I tend to find I too think back over things. Its an emotional time of year. But I try to be thankful for what I have done well and remind myself of the good people I have around me.

    :-)

    • I find it’s an emotional time of year as well! But you’re right, there are so many good memories that come with it too. Last year I started a “Highlights of the year” jar, and whenever something exciting/good happened, I wrote it down and stuck it in the jar. I plan on opening it on New Years Eve this year and remembering all of the happy times from 2012 – I can’t wait to see what I thought was important last January :)

      Thank you so much for the re-blog and your wonderful comment! I wish you the best in this upcoming year as well xoxo

  2. Wow what a post… is life not like the weather… that we constantly go through changes… discarding at times and growing new things at others.. the Autumn periods when we discard old leaving place for the new.?? Winter our static times in life when things go backward or become static… and then the spring the good times the moving forward the time of new growth and then Summer.. the times of warmth and happiness… I’m old and feel as though I’ve been through many seasons… the ups and downs of life… the seasons you still have to experience… no matter where one is, things are going to go up and down… that’s life….

  3. Great post. moving forward is healthy. It’s what the weather does, whether or not we like it. Interesting town life! I have migrated too much to be mired in my distant past. Keep exploring, your life just gets richer and better as you age. (Trust me on this one!)

    • I think in many ways it’s lucky to have migrated enough not to be stuck in the past. At least you can still visit it when you want to!

      And you’re right, moving forward is health, and it happens whether or not we like it – just like the change of the seasons. It’s much easier when you surrender yourself to the ebb and flow of things. Thanks for the comment, and for the positive words! :)

  4. Autumn brings it out in me, although not as prominently now that I live in SoCal. Autumn means the promise of change, which is both thrilling and unnerving. The balance of these things feels different for me from day to day, but mostly . . . I tend to favor the excitement of all that might be in store. I hope your choices lead to good changes.

    • You described the feeling perfectly when you said, “Autumn means the promise of change, which is both thrilling and unnerving.”

      I couldn’t agree more! This is really how I have been feeling lately :)

      Thank you, I hope autumn has good things in store for you too!

  5. Pingback: Time May Change Me… « mtdeady

  6. Turned 25… wow, you have so much life ahead of you. In many ways, your life has just started! You have no idea how much living lies ahead for you!! In some regards, much of your past so far has just been practice for the road ahead. Given your obvious intelligence and humor, I have no doubt you’ll go far and accomplish much.

    “This is ground control to An-dre-a… it’s safe to leave the capsule if you daaaaarreee….”

    • Ah see, that’s just it! I grew up much faster than most people, (if this has been practice, boy am I in trouble!) – I think now is the time to shrug off a bunch of that rigid adult stuff, and give in to a bit more childish creativity, flexibility, free-spiritedness, etc :)

      Thanks for your supportive words and comments!!

      • Oh, mos def! Having a full life ahead of you doesn’t mean you can’t choose how to live it. Never give up the inner child! That’s the wellspring of your passion and enthusiasm and joy and playfulness. Being an adult is boring. Never stop playing!!

  7. Way to go, Andrea. As you focus even more on those who build you up, talk of ideas instead of other people, inspire you, and love you for who you are, I believe your world will continue expanding in wonderful ways.

    Russ

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