Burning Bridges…An Update

Read the original post here: Burning Bridges

It’s taken me a while to write this post because, well, I guess I find it hard to update people on something that still has no resolution.  But I did think a lot about what everyone said, and in the end, I’ve decided not to burn the bridge – so I guess that’s something new anyways!

“Personally, I believe that such soul counterparts do exist and do not always exist on the same plane or in the same lifetime with us…but when they do!!! It is abundantly evident to those so entwined in which case we may light that match and watch ourselves go up with other…” Blackshepherd (In a comment here)

Instead I took a piece of advice here, and a piece of advice there…and here’s what I’ve decided to do.

I reached out, but not with an olive branch – not completely anyways.  I explained to him my position, and what I needed from our friendship, and then I let him know that the door was open, but it was up to him to walk through it when and if he was ever ready.

He hasn’t written back as of yet.  Though I’m giving him time, since he tends to be as slow as a tortoise when it comes to processing things.  It’s always driven me a bit batty honestly!

In the meantime I’m going to do what some of you wise folks suggested, and keep the bridge there – but stop using it for now.  It may sound naive, but since so many of you could relate to my past post, maybe you can relate when I say that I just know that it’s not over.  We’ll talk again, someday, because that’s the nature of our relationship.  That’s why it’s worked for so many years and that’s why it’s been so hard.  That’s what makes someone your person.

It’s going to be difficult using other bridges instead.  For one, we have the same friends!  And for two, he gets me in a way that no one else I know does.  I don’t have to use words, I can just look at him and we’ll have an entire conversation with our eyes.  I don’t have to explain anything to him, because he just knows.

“Each time a man looks into your eyes, he is only searching to find himself; for he knows already, that he is part of you”  Jeremy Aldana

Even if you’re 3,000 miles away, just knowing there is someone who understands you in the world, is a really important thing.  You don’t have to see them every day, or even talk to them every day, to benefit from their friendship either.  Just the knowledge that if you ever needed them, you could pick up the phone and at any time of the day they would answer it, listen, and understand, is a comfort.

I guess I don’t quite know how to go out there and be me, without knowing he’s there somewhere in the background.  As with all things in life, this will be an interesting learning and growing experience.

I do not know where it will lead, but I trust I will end up exactly where I am meant to be.

Anyways, I just want to thank you all again for the wonderful advice you gave, and all of the thoughtful comments.  It was so unexpected and I appreciate it so much!  I hope this next update helps some of you who were in the same situation feel like you’re not alone, like all of you did for me :)

P.S. I got sick and things got crazy so I failed at responding to all of the original comments as was my intention, but please know they meant the world to me.  Thank you!

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18 thoughts on “Burning Bridges…An Update

  1. Hi Andrea. Its a shame we don’t always know how things will end up for us. But whatever will be, will be. I say follow your head….ignore your heart this time. Your heart may be too gentle and loving, and forgiving. Listen to what your head tells you and I think you will be making the best decision. Speaking for myself, I know that my head usually leads me in the right direction. I hope all goes well for you.

    • Thank you for your thoughtful advice :) You have spoken some real words of truth – I have tended to follow my heart in the past, and I think you’re right in that it’s too loving and forgiving (of course, that’s it’s job after all!). But unfortunately I think I’ve also failed to take my head along for the ride :P

      This time I’m definitely following what I know. xoxo

  2. I went through something quite similar and for my own sanity, I burned the bridge. I decided that I cannot give what I never get in return and I cared about me too much to keep waiting for things to change. It was and is still difficult, but it was the best thing I could do for me.

    • After giving it some more time it’s become clear that although I would definitely prefer to have him in my life, I can and will manage without if I have to. You’re right, you really cannot continue to give without receiving. Not forever. It’s not fun, but it sure beats going crazy!

  3. I knew that when you got to a quiet spot and could really listen to yourself, you would know what to do. :-)

    I don’t give up easily, either. Not at all. (Unless you’ve crossed someone I love, or crossed me one time to0 many. In that case… you simply no longer exist.) Sometimes, though, I have to acknowledge that maybe someone else burned that bridge, and it is time to stop trying to patch and mend and repair it. Finding quiet usually helps me see that.

    And sometimes, the ones who were our person, even if they no longer are, well… they really helped us become our own person. And for that, I’m always grateful.

    I hope it works out as you want it to.

    • It’s true! And the more time I’ve had, the more I am discovering. I feel like you were really right on with the last part of what you said – “even if they no longer are, well…they really helped us become our own person.” This journey has definitely taught me a lot about myself, and every day for the past few weeks I’ve felt like I’ve reached a new understanding about something from my past.

      Thank you so much for the support :)

      (Oh – and I’m the same way, I think it’s like the “Mama Bear Instinct.” I will fight for you, and rarely give up, but if you stir up that instinctual “protection” thing…it’s Danger! Danger! Lol)

    • Oh boy do I. My bridge – we’ll call him “E” – moved to another state a few years ago, (luckily? unfortunately? he moved back after only a few months). It’s hard to even describe how I felt. Mixed feelings for sure.

      I wish you all the best, hang in there!!

  4. Going through something similar myself. I chose not to leave a door open for the sake of my own sanity. What I have come to realise over the past few days is we all need that sense of connection, what you describe as the one person in the world who gets us. And when we think we have found that special someone we tend to lessen our connections with every else, because it doesn’t feel right to be so strongly connected to family and friends when you should keep yourself just for him. The one learning I take from this is to tend to and maintain those other connections next time I think I have found the “one”. Then if things do wrong – you don’t feel that overwhelming sense of being disconnected – the yearning for reconnection.
    Stay strong……

    • I think you’re very right! When you have someone who understands you, there really is much less of a desire to go out and connect with others. It’s good to know that there have been others in a similar situation and that things do begin to feel more positive :) I have already begun to do my best and get out there to start building/strengthening other friendships, and it’s definitely helping.

      Thank you for the comment and the support! All the best to you :)

  5. I don’t have answers for you, my friend, but I have wishes for you and for your person. I wish for both of you lasting happiness, however that may be for each of you. .

    Russ

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