Why I Don’t Have a Boyfriend

I have a confession to make: I am a dork.  I embraced this fact whole-heartedly from an early age and haven’t regretted it since.  Well.  Mostly.

See, my friends and I have started playing this game.  It’s called, “Uhhh…Andrea, THIS is why you don’t have a boyfriend”.

It all started the other day when I had them over.  We found ourselves outside on my back patio enjoying the sunshine and chatting, when I looked through the sliding glass door and saw my cat Baseball inside, rolling around on his back in the sunshine.  I couldn’t help it!  I let out an involuntary, “Awwww look at the little baseballyman bein the cutest thing everrrr!” (because he really was).

To their credit, all three guys looked over with a “d’awwww” – no one is immune to the cuteness of cats – before going back to their conversation. But when he heard his name, Baseball came over to the window and started meowing at me.  So I meowed back (duh).  He meowed again, so did I.  We went back and forth like this for about 45 seconds until I broke the chain and called him “the best little kittyman in the whole wide world yes you are!” and looked up to find three guys laughing at me. Realization dawning, I said, “this is why I don’t have a boyfriend…isn’t it?”  They could barely stop laughing long enough to say “yes”.

That was not the first time the thought had crossed my mind, either.  In fact, a few nights earlier on a friday, when on of my friends was texting me from the bar, I was sitting on my butt on the couch doing this to my nails:

and watching AN ENTIRE SEASON of Bristol Palin’s reality TV show, “Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp”.  And I don’t even like her.

As I sat there, eating chocolate cookies, I realized, “This, right here, is why I don’t have a boyfriend.”

But you know what?  I’m okay with that.  As pathetic as sitting on the couch alone on a friday night eating chocolate cookies while doing your nails and watching a reality show about someone you hate, sounds on paper – it isn’t really.  Not if it’s what you want to be doing.

And I’m pretty sure my cats appreciate a good conversation.

Why are you single?  If you’re with someone, why are you surprised they manage to put up with you? :P


31 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Have a Boyfriend

  1. What a funny post! You seem pretty similar to me, I absolutely adore my cats and I’m a complete nerd. Somehow, though, I have a boyfriend (it’s possible!!!!!). Yes, I make him cuddle my cats until he admits they’re cute and watch endless amounts of random Friends episodes with me, even though he’s seen every episode a million times. I’ve no clue how he puts up with it.

  2. enjoy and bask in your singleness – I was single for 27 years (okay there were a few frogs thrown in there) and now I don’t mind not being single–because I was single for just long enough that I do not feel cheated

  3. :) Am sitting with a big smile of recognition across my face!!! Apart from the finger-nail painting…of course!

    I am single because…(fill in ‘any’ word and it’s probably true).

    May I fictitiously invite you out to a dinner one evening? :)

    • Haha I’m so glad I’m not the only one! :) Just think, life must be pretty boring to those who can’t embrace their inner dork…
      Why, I’ve never been to a fictitious dinner before – it’s a date! :)

      • Now this is a reality show I would watch. Not kidding. Do it! You’re onto something. Way better than Bristol Palin. (I have no idea what a reality show with her in it would be like. Don’t want to know! Don’t tell me!)

        Anyway, you’re not single. You have Mr. Basebelly. That is going steady by me and it sounds like you two have conversations of great depth. Nuff said. Not single.

        I should know. I have two boyfriends going at the same time. One’s name is Bugs. The other’s name is Barney. We have a three-way going and as far as I know, none of us is jealous. When one’s sleeping, the other’s available. Can you say efficiency. I believe lots of humans fantasize about this — except, poor them, with other humans. What a species error.

        See what I mean? I think we have something important to say here about world peace.

      • I think there might be a book in there somewhere, “Theories on World Peace According to Cats”?? People really could learn a thing or two.

        Baseball IS a much better listener than one of those human boyfriends, and he’s always down for a good cuddle :) But he still gets jealous when he can smell another cat on me!

        You know, I think my life could be reality show worthy, but I’m afraid the cats would become the real stars!

  4. I love your blog post today. Yes, it got me thinking again, why don’t I have a girlfriend? Well, one reason is that every time a girl plays hard to get, i get my feelings hurt and forget about the relationship, I’m way to sensitive. But how can I tell if they really don’t like me or are playing hard to get? If they don’t like ,me, I’m outta there.

  5. Aha, nice post. I’ve started with the finger nail painting thing too. I’m a dork too, just not sure if I’ve accepted that fully or not :/
    PS. And if your curious why I’m bombarding your blog with comments today, its coz I was following your blog since long but hadn’t had the chance read your posts. Now that I have read them, I like ’em :D

  6. Okay, I am a TOTAL nerd/dork/geek/whatever, and “Rogue Leader” and I have been together for nearly 4 years :) He’s a total nerd, too! Being nerdy is not why you don’t have a boyfriend. You just haven’t found the right person to share your nerdiness with yet. You will! Being single doesn’t mean you are any less worthy of a person. For now, rock out on your singleness. Those are fun days, too. :)

    • Oh I know, I don’t want to seem as though I’m complaining! Really this is just a game I’ve been playing with my friends to make fun of all of the dorky things I do :P I’m actually single by choice at the moment (I just recently ended a relationship of 4 years – he turned out to be one of those frogs on thehomefrontandbeyond mentioned above) and it’s definitely better than being in the wrong relationship!

      It sounds like you’ve lucked out and found a good match, though! :)

  7. To answer your question, I think it’s best summed up by never finding someone who could both put up and keep up with me. Or I may just not be cut out for relationships. Had quite a few of them over the years, was married briefly, but none of them lasted. I read your “As Good As It Gets” post, and I think it’s never having found someone who liked my particular set of flaws and strengths. At this point, I’ve pretty much embraced being single! ;-)

    Is your cat named Baseball because you love baseball? You have excellent taste in sports, if so!

  8. It’s nice to hear a refreshing attitude towards singledom! And truth be told, when you do have a boyfriend, they’ll utterly adore you for all your dorkiness and quirks and whatnot. If they don’t, they’re probably not worth it! ;)

  9. Somehow I am engaged, but I can relate to some many of your comments in this post. From the cat to watching the whole season of Bristol Palin (Whom I don’t even like either) Thanks for the laugh!

  10. I so loved your post. I thought I was the only one who talks to cats like that [answering their meows with a meow]. I’ve been taking care of cats since forever–my mom’s influence, and I wouldn’t want to live in a world where they don’t exist. :)

    I understand what you mean about being okay to be “un-boyfriend” if that’s what you really want. Some people wouldn’t understand it though. It would be an impossibility to them to see a girl “unshackled” and still be content and happy in that situation. They’d think you’re merely sour graping.

    One time I was talking to a friend who was going through a tough time–husband cheating on her, financial crisis, etc–and I was encouraging her that she should remain thankful and positive because she has beautiful kids who love her dearly but suddenly she made a turn-around on me. She said, “Oh, don’t worry, you can still find a man and you can also have children of your own.” I almost laughed then but I just smiled and agreed with her.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having relationships but if it does not come I wouldn’t feel it’s the end of the world. :)

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